my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
