you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
