Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize