the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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