you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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