i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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