so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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