Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
