i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
