My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
