I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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