When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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