The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He passed out mid-signature
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
that may or may not have been my penis.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
