She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
