So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wish there were birth control emojis
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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