so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
