she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
