Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
