Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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