if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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