Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
