i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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