3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
