Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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