Yo dont text me then not text me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I love you. Go after that dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
