mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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