A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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