I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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