that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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