Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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