I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
