You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
