saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
