I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
