You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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