Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
