True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
