I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
