Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She bit a glass in half.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
