So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
