it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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