I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
