Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
