Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
