part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
