her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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