Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
