So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
is wine microwaveable?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
