We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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