I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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