you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
