How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
