God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You may now shotgun with the bride
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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