stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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