Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
