we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
