is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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