Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
