I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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