I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
