i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
