My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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