on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize