That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
