Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
