Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
