i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
