he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Holy sore nipples Batman
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
