You're my little dorito
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
