Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
