New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
