Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
