Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
