This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
