Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
