This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
