Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Soap is not a condiment
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
40s are totally the cure
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
