"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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