At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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