Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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