One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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