We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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